and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
