I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
