Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
