I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
