WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
