in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
