I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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