you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
