You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
