did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am naked and annoyed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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