oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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