My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
