If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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