i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
