Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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