i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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