I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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