alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
