Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
