Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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