apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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