Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
