Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
