i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
