I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
