Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
