You made me cry and you don't even care
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
