I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
