You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
