When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
