hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
