I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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