i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
