who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
