He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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