Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
