This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
