Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
