u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
