well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
