i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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