I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
