I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
