There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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