I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
