your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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