i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
