I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
MIDGETS
????
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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