i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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