sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
