dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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