We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
